Freedom fighter Kröd Mändoon (Sean Maguire) arrives at a safe house along with his pig-like 'Grobble' servant Loquasto (Steve Speirs), sorcerer friend Zezelryck (Kevin Hart), flamboyant sidekick Bruce (Marques Ray) and the Pagan warrioress Aneka (India de Beaufort), with whom Kröd is having trouble moving on from following their recent break-up. Kröd insists the group is safe there, but is surprised when innkeeper Hugo (Dominic Coleman) tries to poison him for reward money, as Dongalor is offering a substantial reward for Krod and Aneka, dead or alive. An angry mob arrives to try to capture the pair and Hugo threatens to burn the stronghold down. But when his two wives arrive and meet each other, a fearful Hugo risks his life to help Kröd and his friends escape. Meanwhile, the evil Chancellor Dongalor (Matt Lucas) learns at a press conference that the Emperor Xanus is sending a weapons inspector to investigate his castle. He orders his advisor Barnabus (Alex MacQueen) to hide the Eye of Gulga Grymna, an ancient weapon Dongalor has been secretly studying.
In order to stop Dongalor from seeking Kröd and Aneka, Zezelryck creates a life suspension potion which he calls "goof juice", which will create the appearance they are dead. Kröd is hesitant to take it because Zezelryck is an incompetent sorcerer, but at Aneka's prodding they both take it and fall unconscious. Meanwhile, Dongalor and Barnabus hide the Eye of Gulga Grymna just as the cocky Lord Roderick (Luke Allen-Gale), the nephew of Emperor Xanus, arrive with his entourage to inspect the castle. Roderick constantly insults and mocks Dongalor during his tour of the castle, where he meets the peasant girl (Remie Purtill-Clarke) Donalor previously abducted from a village after killing her father. Roderick is instantly attracted to the girl, much to Dongalor's chagrin.
Disguised as nobles, Loquasto, Zezelryck and Bruce take the bodies of Kröd and Aneka to Dongalor, seeking the reward money. Dongalor tests whether Aneka is alive by rubbing his face in her breasts and licking her face, which he declines to do for Kröd's body. However, Kröd starts to wake up and, having missed sleeping with Aneka, starts to spoon her still unconscious body. Dongalor orders his guards to kill Kröd but, seeing how weak and disoriented he is from the potion, opts to do so himself and begins taunting Kröd, planning to torture him by killing the still-unconscious Aneka, and then Krӧd. However, a mysterious man (James Murray) swings through a nearby window, knocks Dongalor and Barnabus away, saving Kröd and Aneka, who are dragged out of the room by their friends to safety.
Roderick tells Dongalor he has found no weapons in the castle, but says he has grown fond of the peasant girl and taking her with him, despite Dongalor’s protests. Later, Barnabus provides Dongalor with a letter with a plan he says will wipe out all the resistance fighters; the identity of the letter-writer, which makes Dongalor yodel with delight, is not revealed. Meanwhile, Kröd and a reawkening Aneka are dropped off in the forest by their mysterious savior, who rides off ahead without them to drive the guards off their scent; Aneka is clearly left love-stricken by the man.